Friday, January 14, 2011

My Journey Into Grace

I had a conversation last night with Wonderful Husband about how he thinks I'm angry with a situation and that's why I am blunt when I converse with people about it.

I told him that it seems (to me) like he's sugar-coating the situation and although not lying...it is not exactly truthful and kind of smoke-and-mirror-ish in his discussions with people.

I think it was a constructive conversation where we both heard each another, yet it made me think about how different we are (the male/female-ness) and our differences in our journey as a married couple are becoming more visible too.

For years I was the sugar-coater...putting a positive spin on our lives: to my side of the family, to his side of the family, to co-workers, to friends, to my Bible Study buddies.

It was exhausting.

About a year ago, I had used up all my "spin-master energy" and became more truthful.
More brutally honest.
Not mean.
I just had to take off the masks that had been pinching my face and pinching my heart.

And it has been freeing.

My life is not perfect. Why should I put on a faux smile and pretend it is to the world?

So after driving to work today, I sat in my car and read Jesus Calling (by Sarah Young) and what was today's devotional reading about? That my efforts to look good can fool some people. But I don't have to pretend with Jesus. He knows every part of me and will alter my weaknesses into strengths because he saturates me in grace.

Think about that.

Jesus saturates us in grace.

The dictionary defines saturate as to soak, impregnate, or imbue thoroughly or completely.

My prayer today is to be open to his saturation. May my bluntness be replaced with words of grace. Honest still, yet less sharp-edged. More smooth-edged words that bring grace into my soul and into the lives of others. Jesus, please saturate me with grace. Amen.

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